Showing posts with label Others. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Others. Show all posts

Thursday, 3 September 2015

Styles of Cognitive Distorted Thinking



Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn't really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.

Cognitive distortions are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that are believed to perpetuate the effects of psycho pathological states, especially depression and anxiety. Psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck laid the groundwork for the study of these distortions, and his student David D. Burns continued research on the topic. Most notably, Burns’ 1989 book, The Feeling Good Handbook presented information on these thought patterns along with a proposal of how to eliminate them.



The most common types of cognitive distortions listed below.

Filtering: You take the negative details and magnify them, while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. A single detail may be picked out, and the whole event becomes colored by this detail. When you pull negative things out of context, isolated from all the good experiences around you, you make them larger and more awful than they really are.

Polarized Thinking: The hallmark of this distortion is an insistence on dichotomous choices. Things are black or white, good or bad. You tend to perceive everything at the extremes, with very little room for a middle ground. The greatest danger in polarized thinking is its impact on how you judge yourself. For example-You have to be perfect or you're a failure.

Overgeneralization: You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. If something bad happens once, you expect it to happen over and over again. 'Always' and 'never' are cues that this style of thinking is being utilized. This distortion can lead to a restricted life, as you avoid future failures based on the single incident or event.

Mind Reading: Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you are able to divine how people are feeling toward you. Mind reading depends on a process called projection. You imagine that people feel the same way you do and react to things the same way you do. Therefore, you don't watch or listen carefully enough to notice that they are actually different. Mind readers jump to conclusions that are true for them, without checking whether they are true for the other person.

Catastrophizing: You expect disaster. You notice or hear about a problem and start "what if's." What if that happens to me? What if tragedy strikes? There are no limits to a really fertile catastrophic imagination. An underlying catalyst for this style of thinking is that you do not trust in yourself and your capacity to adapt to change.

Personalization: This is the tendency to relate everything around you to yourself. For example, thinking that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you. You also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who's smarter, better looking, etc. The underlying assumption is that your worth is in question. You are therefore continually forced to test your value as a person by measuring yourself against others. If you come out better, you get a moment's relief. If you come up short, you feel diminished. The basic thinking error is that you interpret each experience, each conversation, each look as a clue to your worth and value.

Control Fallacies: There are two ways you can distort your sense of power and control. If you feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a victim of fate. The fallacy of internal control has you responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you. Feeling externally controlled keeps you stuck. You don't believe you can really affect the basic shape of your life, let alone make any difference in the world. The truth of the matter is that we are constantly making decisions, and that every decision affects our lives. On the other hand, the fallacy of internal control leaves you exhausted as you attempt to fill the needs of everyone around you, and feel responsible in doing so (and guilty when you cannot).

Fallacy of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think you know what's fair, but other people won't agree with you. Fairness is so conveniently defined, so temptingly self-serving, that each person gets locked into his or her own point of view. It is tempting to make assumptions about how things would change if people were only fair or really valued you. But the other person hardly ever sees it that way, and you end up causing yourself a lot of pain and an ever-growing resentment.

Blaming: You hold other people responsible for your pain, or take the other tack and blame yourself for every problem. Blaming often involves making someone else responsible for choices and decisions that are actually our own responsibility. In blame systems, you deny your right (and responsibility) to assert your needs, say no, or go elsewhere for what you want.

Shoulds: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the rules anger you, and you feel guilty if you violate the rules. The rules are right and indisputable and, as a result, you are often in the position of judging and finding fault (in yourself and in others). Cue words indicating the presence of this distortion are should, ought, and must.
Emotional Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be true-automatically. If you feel stupid or boring, then you must be stupid and boring. If you feel guilty, then you must have done something wrong. The problem with emotional reasoning is that our emotions interact and correlate with our thinking process. Therefore, if you have distorted thoughts and beliefs, your emotions will reflect these distortions.

Fallacy of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough. You need to change people because your hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them. The truth is the only person you can really control or have much hope of changing is yourself. The underlying assumption of this thinking style is that your happiness depends on the actions of others. Your happiness actually depends on the thousands of large and small choices you make in your life.

Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities (in yourself or others) into a negative global judgment. Global labeling ignores all contrary evidence, creating a view of the world that can be stereotyped and one-dimensional. Labeling yourself can have a negative and insidious impact upon your self-esteem; while labeling others can lead to snap-judgments, relationship problems, and prejudice.

Being Right: You feel continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any length to demonstrate your rightness. Having to be 'right' often makes you hard of hearing. You aren't interested in the possible veracity of a differing opinion, only in defending your own. Being right becomes more important than an honest and caring relationship.

Heaven's Reward Fallacy: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score. You fell bitter when the reward doesn't come as expected. The problem is that while you are always doing the 'right thing,' if your heart really isn't in it, you are physically and emotionally depleting yourself.



Source: Internet
Image:Google

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Happy Birthday..!!!


Here I am wishing our beloved Prime Minister Mr.Narendra Modi, a very Happy Birthday.
Wish you all strength to achieve more milestones and take India to new heights. Long Live. God bless you. 

Sunday, 14 September 2014

10000 Copies + God's Anger = Helpless Me

I was in 6th class (around 12 years) when this incident happened. 

One day my new neighbour "Rajamma" invited me home. I went to her house after my playtime. She offered some snacks along with a letter to read. 
It was a pamphlet printed in Kannada on both sides. It had a picture of Lord Shiva on top. I started reading thinking it must be something related to God. There were few conditions mentioned one of which was "The reader should read the letter completely without any pauses. "

The first page described God. I don't remember the exact content but was just glorification of God and his heroic deeds.

As I turned the page over I saw "Whoever reads this message should make 10,000 copies and distribute it to make people aware of God's Glory. If the reader fail to do so they will have to face God's anger in all possible ways" 

There were incidents given to make the reader the understand what might go wrong if they fail to distribute 10,000 copies. One incident goes like this: 
A lady reads the message and ignores it. Her husband passes away after a snake bite and her children died because of an accident while they were returning home after school.  She lost her entire family as she ignored the message.

The letter ended stating " Don't ignore this message. 10,00 copies should be distributed within 7 days starting from the day the message was read in order to escape from God's anger" 

I started sweating with fear and I was really furious on Rajamma for making me read such message. But I  returned home without expressing it. I thought of sharing it with mom but then she was very strict and would scold me for reading such message. 

Next day, I narrated the whole incident to one of best friends Roopa. She suggested me not to ignore it as it could potentially harm my entire family. I was so clueless.

I met Rajamma in the evening to discuss the same. 

I told her "You made me read such message. Because of you I am very disturbed and clueless. How would I make 10,000 copies? I can't sit and write the message myself. It would take ages for me to complete."

Rajamma said "Don't worry. As you're young, you can join me. Instead of you making 10,000 copies, we both will make 5000 copies each and distribute."

By then she got in touch with the printing press and enquired about the cost and all necessary stuffs. She convinced me to do pay for 150 INR for 5k copies and she would take the responsibility of getting them printed and would give the copies me to within 3 days. She asked me to pay the money within 2 days.

I knew she was taking advantage of me. I agreed as did not find any better ways of getting 10,000 copies in such a short time. All I had as savings was just 100 rupees. I gave it to her and told her I was short of 50 bucks and she was ready to lend the money to me.

Day by day the fear was increasing exponentially. I used to discuss this with my school friends at break times. One of my friends agreed to come with me to distribute the copies.

After two days:

Rajamma gave me 5000 copies in the evening. I did hide the bundle in the parking lot and went to my friend on my cycle. She told me as it is already late it would be difficult to distribute so we better start from tomorrow. I left her house with disappointment. All I wanted was just finish distributing those in order to save my family from God's anger.

Following day, I informed my mom  that I am going to my friends house for her birthday party and  I'll be little late. I went to my friend with those copies and asked her take me to some place where nobody can recognise me because of the fear that If they recognise me they would inform my parents. We went to a street behind our school and started distributing pamphlets. I was feeling shy, awkward, inferior and what not. We spent almost 4 hours to distribute just 300 copies and returned home. I was thinking whole night without any sleep how I would able to distribute remaining 4700 copies in just two days.

Day 6:

I went alone to distribute the copies to the same street as my friend refused to accompany me. I could hardly give away 10 copies after spending hours. People refused to take it and few were ignoring me. 

In the meanwhile, I saw an old man passing by. I ran towards him and gave the pamphlet.  He asked me what the letter is all about? with a gentle smile. I replied It is about God. I took it, read it and returned it to me saying "You better keep it with you. I don't need it."  After listening to him I could not control my tears I told him " Please take this. I have another 4700 copies to be distributed within a day. I am spending all my time here after school to save my family from God's anger."

I guess he understood my fear about God and loosing family. He said "Dear child, Don't cry.It is a trap made by few individuals to make profit through printing, photocopying etc. God is the greatest power and source of every happenings in the world. God is very kind and won't harm your family. He is not so stupid to torture you to pass his glory on to others. God is so powerful that when he thinks he need to pass on a message he himself will arrive on earth. Wipe your tears and go home. God bless you"

I felt so relaxed and happy after listening to everything he said. I threw rest of the copies to the big drainage near by and returned home. Caught up with some very good sleep that night.

Day 7:

I saw Rajamma on the way back home from school, on the street distributing pamphlets with lot of fear, anxiety as it was the last day. She saw me and called my name. 

I didn't feel like turning back as I lost my savings, peace of mind because of her. She took advantage of my innocence. For any child, family is all they know and need. How could she be so mean to me? thought just flashed my mind.
but I remembered the old man and his words.  I thanked him all my heart.

I Continued walking..

The Sun was about set. The birds were flying back their nests. So did I..!! :)



Friday, 12 September 2014

Behind Every Good News Asked For..!!

I have been hearing this crap called "Any Good News" from everybody like my family and relations, Friends and even from my acquaintances..! I am so fed up of this. I can't express this to anybody because everybody I know ask the same crap question. So writing this post to vent out my feelings and hopefully I feel better after this.

A friend of mine from school Whatsapp'd me and she started talking very casually. Once we reached a point where I had nothing to say but she had something to ask and that was "Any Good News".
ME: what good news are you expecting out of me? (Though I knew what she had in her mind)
SHE: Sent a picture which had two dolls in it.
ME: I am sorry. I still didnt get you.
SHE: She sent one more picture with a baby in it.

I didn't reply post that. It was just an example likewise everybody ask me When are you going to have kids? I am tired of these questions.

I don't really understand why people expect us to share our plans for having or not having kids with them. It is may be Indian mentality that after marriage you should have a baby within a year or so. If you fail to give them any news about this post your first anniversary you're doomed.

Many of friends of my age are still not even married and they aint serious about having relationship either. (The girl I mentioned above is not married as well :D ) I don't know what runs in their heads when they ask such questions. How can people who are educated forget that it is the most personal thing to ask?

I just want to say everybody out there.. before you ask someone "when are you planning to have kids?" Plz get a life and leave them alone.Nobody is seeking your expert advise on planning kids as you're not an expert yourself. Also, Not everyone wants to answer that question (esp I am not comfortable answering such questions). Let them decide when  they want to have kids than you guys decide or suggest when they should have. Having a baby in their life is not going to change your life even a bit. Understand that and stop asking such crap question to every married friend of your's.

Just leave them alone.

Dedicated to everybody who asked me about "The Good News"

Thank You.

Monday, 8 September 2014

Dedication my Brother and his Photography

Hey Guys,

Let me introduce you to my Brother. This is Madhu, My younger brother. Lives in Bangalore, India. Civil Engineer by profession.

I could tell you a lot of things about him, but if you only got to know one thing, you should know that he is very good at capturing nature. Like, he is very passionate about photography. Especially things like flowers, water fall etc etc

When we're having our regular conversation he told me he would like to take his photography to next step as his fan base is increasing. He wished to create a FaceBook page to showcase his works. We both worked together to come with a name and logo etc.

Here is the page link:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/MadGic-Photography/818626911501668?fref=ts

Feel free to express yourself. Leave any comments or suggestions and  also encourage him by clicking on the LIKE  button.

Thanks alot :)

PS :
Wishing him the best. My life would not have been the same without you. Love you always.

Friday, 5 September 2014

The Mousetrap - It Is Not My Problem

This is a story I love telling people who love to tell me that “It is not my problem”


A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. “What food might this contain?” the mouse wondered. He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning: “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, “Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.”

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The pig sympathized, but said, “I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.”

The mouse turned to the cow and said, “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The cow said, “Wow, Mr. Mouse. I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off my nose.”

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer’s mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house – like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer’s wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main ingredient. But his wife’s sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer’s wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember, when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another. 

Think of this story before you say "It's not my problem"


Friday, 4 April 2014

50 Facts about ME

Hello Everyone!

I have seen this 50 facts tag floating around the internet now and I thought that I would give it ago as I am very new into blogging it would help others to know me better. Below are 50 random facts about me. 

So here I go..!!!

  1. My full name is Shilpa Jayanna
  2. My birthday is the 11th August
  3. I was born in a village
  4. I currently live in London, United Kingdom
  5. I have dark blackish brown wavy hair.
  6. I am married since December 2012
  7. I have no Tattoos
  8. I can't drive basically i have not learnt how to drive.
  9. My Favourite subject in school was Biology
  10. I got my first love letter when i was 7 years old
  11. I used to be a Tom Boy in my School Days
  12. My Grand Father is someone I look up to and he is a kind of inspiration to me.
  13. I love riding Bicycle.
  14. I am scared of Deep Water, reptiles, sharp objects etc etc
  15. I don't eat Tomatoes
  16. When I am having a conversation I can predict the other person's reactions much in advance
  17. When i feel something gonna happen, it actually happens
  18. I love gardening
  19. I am planning to take baking lessons
  20. I love reading
  21. If I talk too much on a continuous basis, I get severe headache
  22. I love sunny days/summer
  23. I love green and Purple
  24. I am not a movie person
  25. The game i am currently addicted to is "Candy Crush Saga" I am stuck in level 101
  26. I don't have a smartphone
  27. I am very sensitive to intense smell/odours
  28. I don't like painted finger nails
  29. I learnt sewing
  30. I can't swim,dance and sing
  31. I don't like chocolates
  32. I don't like pet animals/birds
  33. I love Social Media
  34. I can remember people with names even after many years
  35. I believe in supernatural powers
  36. I wanted to be a psychiatrist when I was young
  37. One person without whom I can't imagine my life is Prashanth (My Husband)
  38. I like spicy food
  39. I have never tasted alcohol
  40. I love eating raw uncooked rice
  41. I Love toe ring
  42. I have an obsession for Antiques
  43. I don't like rain
  44. I love white sand
  45. I used to make my own toys with clay when i was young
  46. I see no point in star signs and don't understand people that believe they have the exact character traits of their star sign. i find it really kiddish.
  47. I am addicted to Tea
  48. I don't like receiving flowers, cards as gifts
  49. I have been wearing the same earring from past 20 years
  50. I can write with both hands

Hope you liked it.

Thanks for reading. Happy Weekend :)